101 reasons midlife women no longer want a man
When being with you costs me more peace, freedom, energy, identity, and aliveness than being without you, why would I choose you?
Sit tight. If you’re a man, this may hurt. I am sorry, but this is one of those uncomfortable truths and we’d better face it, my friend. Plus, I am usually quite serious here, and I thought today was a good day to have a laugh (and a real 🤔).
But before listing the reasons, a bit of a rant.
I have not written those. I would not find that many anyways!
Chat GPT has done that for me and this raises the question: Why would you then read my article if you can ask AI ‘the’ thing? It just makes no sense.
More and more I see publications here on Substack (or accounts on other social media) where there is no human face and yet, they have hundreds of thousands of followers and I think (‘cause I think a lot): …like…how?!
This one for example.
Very interesting topic for me, right up my street but…that could be AI for all we know.
I can understand that before the AI explosion, most people - including you and me probably - could not grasp the meaning of what AI could do. Even though chat bots and other features were already in place on the internet.
But now, when we know that you can tell AI to write you a book (like literally). What is the point of reading something where there is no identifiable human perspective behind it?
I mean, not that we needed more entertainment, right? We have more than enough of that. We are drowning in choice everywhere: be food, drink, movies, content…it is dangerously and pathetically exhausting.
But one thing you may be interested to read and that AI cannot write is the reason why I, Eva, don’t necessarily want a man in my life at 52.
Do you get my pointy point?
So, if you’re interested in all the 101, they are at the bottom (I mean, they are super interesting) but first, rant isn’t over.
Do you think I just typed a prompt in Chat GPT asking for these reasons?
Nope. Now he/she/it talks and I find it so creepy. Here’s what I’ve discovered this morning: you click “start voice” on the right-hand side and a bubble opens.
Mine has clouds and a man with a South American accent talks 😳
So instead of typing (too much effort, right?) or dictating (what I have been mostly using), now you just have a conversation with him/her/it/them/who-the-fuck-knows-anymore.
You know what’s coming next, right? Alexa is going to look like a toy from the 20s really soon.
They already told us anyway. Remember this series?
Rant over.
Reasons I might not want a man in my life at 52:
(Yes, might, let’s not fuck around with the Universe)
I love my own space in the house, the sofa, the bed... everywhere really.
I don’t have to cook if I don’t want to or…talk.
I love silence and don’t want to put up with a “telly in the background”.
I don’t need to think about things to do together (or about everything?)
I don’t clean and I don’t care.
If I don’t wanna shower, I don’t.
I don’t have to think stuff like: “I am not his priority”
Nobody can cheat on me or lie to me.
And I cannot think of anything else right now but reading the 101 reasons below, as I copy and paste, I agree with almost them all! 😅 Holy cow!
I think we should flip the conversation to: reasons you DO want a man in your life...
but right this second I am blank 😂
No, seriously, I am very anti-gender war and I always say it so take this as a joke as I am feeling jokey tonight but, to be honest, it is beyond interesting, don’t you think?
Clearly, next search is going to be: “Reasons why a middle-aged man wants a woman” but I am scared to read that list 😬
Enough about me. Read and be shocked, I mean, enjoy 😊
My actual prompt:
101 Reasons a Middle-Aged Woman Might Not Want to Be With a Man Anymore
She doesn’t love him anymore.
She loves him, but is no longer in love with him.
She likes him as a person but no longer wants him as a partner.
The marriage has become a friendship.
The marriage has become a business arrangement.
The marriage has become a parenting partnership.
They have grown into fundamentally different people.
They no longer have anything interesting to say to each other.
The relationship feels emotionally dead.
She feels lonely while sitting next to him.
Years of unresolved resentment have accumulated.
Too many small hurts were never repaired.
She asked for change for years and nothing meaningful changed.
She has stopped believing that anything will change.
She has reached indifference — and anger would actually require more attachment.
She is tired of telling a grown man what needs doing.
She is tired of asking him to do basic household tasks.
She is tired of reminding him.
She is tired of making the appointments.
She is tired of remembering everybody’s birthdays, plans and obligations.
She is tired of being the household project manager.
She is tired of carrying the invisible mental load.
She is tired of doing the emotional labor.
She is tired of cleaning up after another adult.
She is tired of cooking because somebody expects feeding.
She is tired of being asked where everything is.
She is tired of “help” that still requires her to supervise.
She is tired of weaponized incompetence.
She doesn’t want another dependent.
After decades of caring for children, parents, partners and everyone else, she wants to care for herself.
She is constantly irritated around him.
She is more anxious around him.
She feels she has to monitor his moods.
She walks on eggshells.
She edits herself to avoid conflict.
She has become the “nag,” and she hates that role.
She feels parental rather than romantic.
She has to shrink to keep the relationship functioning.
She has to pretend things don’t bother her.
She has become responsible for maintaining the peace.
She feels guilty whenever she chooses herself.
She feels criticized more than appreciated.
She no longer feels emotionally safe telling the truth.
She has stopped feeling seen.
She realizes she feels more like herself when he isn’t there.
Her libido has genuinely dropped.
Sex has become physically painful.
Vaginal dryness or other menopausal changes make sex unpleasant.
Exhaustion has killed erotic energy.
Medication has affected desire or arousal.
Body changes have altered the way she experiences sexuality.
She doesn’t want intercourse anymore.
She still wants sexuality — just not the kind of sex they have.
She is bored sexually.
Their erotic life became completely predictable.
She has spent years having sex she didn’t really want.
She started associating touch with an expectation that it must lead to sex.
His constant disappointment about sex made sex feel like an obligation.
She resents being made responsible for his sexual self-esteem.
She no longer wants to perform desire so that he can feel desired.
She still masturbates.
She still fantasizes.
She notices other men.
She discovers she can still become wildly aroused.
She develops a crush and realizes her sexuality isn’t dead.
Her body responds outside the marriage in a way it stopped responding inside it.
She wants novelty.
She wants flirtation.
She wants anticipation.
She wants to feel chosen rather than assumed.
She wants to feel like a sexual woman, not somebody’s wife performing a duty.
She needs psychological distance for eroticism to exist.
Familiarity has become erotic over-familiarity.
The children leaving home removes the distraction that held the marriage together.
Menopause makes her newly aware of mortality.
A parent’s illness or death makes time suddenly feel finite.
She realizes she may have another 30 or 40 years to live.
She no longer wants to spend those years tolerating something merely because she already tolerated it for twenty.
She questions decisions she made at 25.
The man who suited her at 30 no longer suits the woman she became at 50.
She realizes she built her identity around wifehood or motherhood.
She wants to discover who she is outside those roles.
She finally knows what she likes.
She finally knows what she doesn’t like.
She has stopped confusing endurance with love.
She likes sleeping alone.
She likes having the whole bed.
She likes silence.
She likes controlling her own schedule.
She likes her home exactly as she wants it.
She likes eating what she wants when she wants.
She likes travelling without negotiating everything.
She likes having friendships that aren’t organized around a couple.
She likes not explaining herself.
She likes not asking permission.
She likes not compromising over hundreds of tiny daily decisions.
She has discovered that being alone and being lonely are not remotely the same thing.
The available relationship doesn’t offer enough upside to compensate for the work involved.
She no longer needs a man financially, socially or practically enough to tolerate a poor partnership.
Her standards didn’t become impossibly high; her tolerance for an unrewarding relationship became lower.
And finally: she has realized that a man is no longer a requirement for a complete life.
