As I am sitting at my desk to write this letter, a tear is rolling down my face.
I need to tell you why but first a bit of context.
My life in the last 5 years has passed by with the focus on one word: SEX.
Essentially I went from being in a dead bedroom situation for years and living a ‘conventional’ married woman life to becoming an online adult content creator and pleasuring myself on camera (I know, wild).
During this time, thousands of men have subscribed to my page.
Most of them were just curious and, after pleasuring themselves to my content, have left and carried on with their lives (guessing so), never to be seen again.
Others are constantly on and off. They subscribe for a month or two...then go, then come back again and so on.
And a few, stay subscribed with a genuine will to support what I do and the joy I bring to their life (literal feedback).
Needless to say I am deeply grateful to all of them.
Some, including the ones who never subscribed to me but are in this email list for Midlife Erotica, have shared with me their life situations around their marriage and sex life or, when not in a relationship, their situation with engaging with women, their views on sexuality, p0rn, etc.
I find this very inspiring and feeds my thirst for getting to know how human behaviour operates and, in general, how this game of life is played.
I have this week a real life case with somebody who, for the sake of the story I'll call John.
John in a nutshell
In his early 40s, married for 15+ years, 2 young kids and trying to figure out how to fix a dead bedroom.
They talk about it which, fair to say, it is a plus as some people completely ignore it and that is even worse.
He considers himself a high libido man and his wife (according to him) is a low libido woman.
Straight up a mismatch, right?
They have tried couples and individual therapy but nothing worked other than it helped to determine that their marriage is fundamentally working fine EXCEPT for the sex.
They then tried sex therapy (I ain’t got a clue what this involves).
And it did not go well - his words.
As a result of this, they have what he calls "duty sex".
She understands a marriage involves having sex so she offers her body for the act occasionally (but not her heart, mind or soul - that is me adding this up).
And, bloody obviously, since he is not a machine but a human being he feels really awkward with the (incredibly cold) situation and does not even want to initiate sex anymore knowing what the whole thing really is:
A fucking crass staged and depressing game.
(not to be mean but then people criticize sex dolls...I mean, what's the difference here?)
So what do we have with John and wife?
An unhappy marriage.
Why the tears then?
It was 1985 and I was 11 years old and there was a volcano eruption in Colombia (and yes, I am now googling this because I don't remember the exact details).
A 13 year old girl, Omayra Sanchez, was trapped for hours in the water and debris and it went crazy in the News around the world (if Internet would have existed then this would have probably been the most viral clip of all times).
She was even interviewed🥹
I still remember her sweet voice and cannot stop crying.
Omayra died three days later still trapped and with water up to her neck. 😓
For some reason, I remembered this today.
My point is... in a situation like this, if you don't get at least 'moved' by the story, if you don't feel sad about this girl, if you don't feel compassion... you're a psychopath.
And yes, psychopaths, sadly, do exist but the 99.99% of us are NOT one.
We, humans have an incredible capacity for love and, as connected as we are (even though most don't even realise that), we don't really want other people to suffer.
Why would we?
Remember that famous Christmas Truce of 1914?
It might not be exactly as we have been told it was but there are letters and photographs that confirm that something really happen.
We are not made to fight and hate each other.
Thinking about that makes me cry.
Where are you fucking going Miss...?
I know, it seems that I digress, but I don't.
Dead bedroom, a catastrophe victim and a war event...
I am highlighting compassion and love in humans above all other emotions and I want to tell you that when reading John's case (as mild as it is compared to a natural disaster or a war!) I feel the urge to help, you know why?
Because I have the fucking solution to his problem.
I do.
I fucking do.
(sorry about the swearies, they help to channel the anger)
I can feel his frustration, their pain...trapped in a seemingly dead end situation.
I was also there!!
"Oh my life is great, my little family is great, my marriage is mostly great... BUT..."
But it's not, John, it is not.
We only get one chance to play this game of life in this body suit (let's let reincarnations aside and my mixed feelings about it all).
Sex is a part of life, like food is, like the air we breath.
I know what you are thinking.
No, we cannot live without air or food but we can live without sex.
Touché. You're right. We can.
But the question is...do we want to?
Because if we don't, we don't have to.
And here's my point.
We are conditioned from the very first breath we take on planet earth.
It is what it is. It has to be like that.
As a human baby we cannot survive alone.
We need our tribe to take care of us.
But with the tribe it comes a huge set of rules.
A manual thicker than the bloody Bible.
Did not your parents told you how to do this or that?
What to say or not to say?
How to eat or what to eat and what not?
Who to look up to and who not to become?
Did you not obey them blindly because, you know...you had to.
They were doing the right thing or so they believed.
They really loved you and there was no ill in anything they taught you...but they were just repeating patterns they also were taught themselves.
That is how it works.
No escape from that.
But now you are not a baby anymore.
You're 40 FFS.
So it is time to forget about the tribe and what they made you believe is true and find your own Truth.
"The Truth will set you free" - remember that?
And the Truth is never outside of oneself.
Nobody in the whole planet and beyond in any galaxy has YOUR Truth.
Because it is only yours.
And until you're not willing and committed to find it, you won't.
You'll keep repeating patterns, like a monkey.
I'll give you a hint…
We cannot tell anyone what to do or when or how...we can only tell our stories and, whoever is ready to get the switched turned on, will pick it up.
This is what I have learnt in the last few years of incredible personal transformation.
And this is what I can provide to the world in a way to contribute to better it.
You need to tell yourself Truth.
A few challenging statements to finish
Marriage is a human construct and it is not forever.
"Till death do us part" is BS.
People grow apart.
Besides, some people get married with the first person they have a romantic relationship with in their teen years when they don't even know who they are.
(I am still figuring myself out at 50...🫠)
We have all been lied to about so many things!
Not even intentionally, no conspiracy here…this is fact.
Like my best friend says:
Sexual attraction is like food.
What do you need in order to eat?
Be hungry for food.
What do you need in order to feel sexual attraction for somebody?
Be hungry for that person.
Marriage was designed for legal and strategic purposes and not for pleasure.
Cohabiting KILLS passion and desire.
Yes, we need to procreate to preserve the human species but…who on Earth determined we have to get married and live together 24/7??
I know how challenging (even provocative) to the traditional mindsets this sounds but that is, for me, my Truth.
It is time to take ownership of our Truths and stop telling us lies (in all fields!).
Dear John,
There is no fix for a dead bedroom other than acceptance and, therefore, unhappiness or walking away and set yourself (and her!) free from the invisible (mind) chains.
But it takes a lot courage.
Are you wondering about the kids?
I am the child of a very unhappy marriage (story for another day).
I deeply wish my parents had divorced many, many years ago.
Sorry to end on a low…
Maybe you can have a giggle with my views about the size of your penis…
Just maybe 🫣
Happy Friday lovelies.
Love,
Rose 🌹