I am horny...for connection

and you probably are too

May 03, 2025

Here’s one of those midlife diary entries that one (well, yeah, me) writes with tears rolling down their face…

I don’t want to make you cry🥲 but I might. So be aware of it.

This week, I watched The Penguin Lessons - a movie based on real events (with the usual dose of dramatic embellishment, of course). And one scene? It shocked me. It pierced me with a truth I’ll carry for the rest of my life.

After a devastating loss, the main character says:

“I am sad but, at the same time, I am happy that I am sad.”

I don’t know where you are on your awareness journey. Maybe you feel that line deeply. Maybe it makes no sense at all.

(And yes - I have to say this, because based on the nature of this newsletter and my adult work, some people think it’s OK to reply to my emails with unsolicited dick pics and other gross offerings... big yawn🥱)

But that line? It’s spiritual gold.

I’m not happy because I’m sad.
I’m happy that I can notice I’m sad.
That means I’m not numb.
It means I still care.

And that? That’s powerful.

So… porn.

I am posting a new video on YouTube this week - one of those my fiery nature compels me to record, and then I re-watch and think: Oh my…🙈

It’s passionate. Maybe even harsh. And I worried it might come off like I’m trying to justify - or worse, glorify - porn.

But I’m not.

I’m trying to dignify sex work. To give it the nuanced, honest conversation it deserves, not to make it mainstream or push it into every corner of society.

Just to acknowledge it as real. Human. Complex.

This is about awareness.

That movie line struck me because it reminded me that to feel, even grief, is to be awake.

But culturally? We avoid that kind of feeling like the plague. We numb. We judge. We throw stones from behind anonymous usernames.

Here’s a comment I got on Reddit (on a post that had nothing to do with sex or OnlyFans, by the way):

It’s not that I’m offended - not at all. I’m aware and compassionate.

(I will tell you the story of my unfortunate-nickname-on-Reddit-that-I-cannot-change one of these days🙄)

I see what’s really going on: fear, projection, the discomfort of being confronted by a woman who owns her body, her voice, her truth. A woman who isn’t hiding, apologizing, or playing small.

So no - I don’t say sex work should be “accepted.” I say it should be understood.
Not glorified.
Not vilified.
Understood.

It’s real. It’s layered. It’s sometimes messy, sometimes sacred, sometimes ridiculous.
(That’s a story for another day.)

But above all - it’s human.

And if that’s too much for you to hold, maybe it’s not society that’s cooked.
Maybe it’s your capacity for awareness that needs defrosting.

Horny... for Connection

That’s the line that’s been echoing through me this week.

After being ghosted, ignored, dismissed, made to feel like some clingy woman craving attention…
(What? You didn’t know I actually have a private life? 😏)

I sat with the ache and asked:

What am I really looking for here?

It’s not sex.
It’s not validation.
It’s not even a response, if I’m honest.

It’s connection.

Romantic. Intimate. Soul-level.

But that hunger it’s easy to mislabel.
Easy to mask with horniness.
With porn.
With swiping.
With cold detachment dressed up as “not needing anyone.”

And I think that’s what’s happening with so many people who think they have a porn problem.
The real issue isn’t sexual content.
It’s disconnection from themselves, from others, from meaning.

We confuse hunger for love with horniness.
We chase dopamine instead of depth.
And then we turn around and shame the very people - mostly women on OF nowadays - who are brave enough to stand in the fire and say:

I’m here. I’m real. I see you.

So no, I’m not horny for random sex.
(Sorry to disappoint the dick-pic senders. Try harder.)

I’m horny for presence.
For softness.
For truth.
For being met - emotionally, energetically, spiritually.

And I believe that when we stop judging what turns us on, and start listening to what we’re really longing for, we begin to heal something much deeper.

So the next time you feel triggered by a woman who dares to own her sensuality online, ask yourself:

Is she the problem?
Or is she holding up a mirror to something you haven’t dared to face in yourself?

Tell me…what are you really horny for?