I don't date (by choice)

Thanks for asking

I am often asked about my ‘real’ love life which I like to keep to myself by the way. However, I wanted to share something that is in my mind ready to be shared.

I don’t do dates.

As it happens, and this is maybe unusual as the rest of my existence is, but I have never dated in my entire life. And I mean never.

And, ironically, I have never been ‘alone’ or single haha, isn’t it weird?

I started my first relationship ever when I was 18 years old so, late in life I would say. Some of my friends at school have had at least, if not serious relationships, some sort of fling, make-out moments etc but I did not.

How did my first relationship start if I did not date, right?

Well, it just did, naturally, at work and (sigh) that seems to have been the pattern of my whole life… always meeting my partners…at work. I think this is quite Venus in Aquarius and in the 11th house (Astrology note).

So, as you can imagine, as someone who has never gone on a date…who has never been alone for longer than a few months in between relationships…who has always met partners at work…and who now, at 51, is single, works for herself, from home, online…looks quite fun, ain’t it?

This has made me go on a quest on a journey of self-discovery without precedents.

Add to this, all the experiences from other people that over the years in my physical environment have been and are going on and the things they are living and going through with their relationships (because this is a rant about relationships and dating only) and, what’s more, the people in my internet environment, thousands of men subscribing to my page and sharing with me their personal stories.

I could really write a book series!

It is beyond interesting to me. I am somebody who is passionate about why people are and act (or don’t act) the way they do. Passionate about understanding the whys of things, like a child-like why… I don’t take things at face value we could say. I don’t buy the “that's the way things are because they have always been” narrative.

Just because something is or has been this way, does not mean it is the way.

I don’t take any ideas without filtering through my soul and discerning and finding my truth. And no, I wasn’t always like that, I have actually made so many mistakes and taking on so many ideas from others thinking that was the “right” thing…and to be honest with you, I will keep making more mistakes for sure, but the way I see it, mistakes are not but lessons to learn and the only trouble with it all is NOT learning the lesson.

So I have learnt many lessons and look forward to more to come.

I digress.

Dating. Not for me.

Not right now, maybe one day…maybe, just maybe.

I find it fascinating how many people divorce, for example, or separate and can’t wait to jump into a new relationship. They even allow themselves a “sensible waiting time” I think they call it like…I divorced 6 months ago, is it now OK to start dating again?

My question to them is: Why do you want to date?

Because there is something I can understand really well and it makes sense to me. I like the things that make sense and not the nonsensical BS.

So say you just want to have fun, you are a very social person, you like going out, having a couple of drinks and chatting away and, potentially, get intimate with people if it resonates with both of you and the situation is appropriate.

This makes me think of two people with this same mindset of: let’s live life and have fun that way. You know? When for you, legitimately, dating means having fun.

Am I making sense?

In other words, there is no expectation, other than fun, meeting new people or hanging out with people, potentially having sex or whatever. Casually, relaxed, respectfully, with freedom, independence and a joyful and honest mentality. No hidden agenda.

I can understand that. Not my cup of tea at the moment but totally understandable.

Now, on the other hand, what I cannot grasp is people who, for starters, call it the dating pool, question whether it is right or wrong according to the herd and consider there is a safe waiting time…and then go into it to hunt.

Hunt the one.

Which one?

So what are you dating for then? To find a husband or wife?

What are you expecting them to fulfil? What is that void that you need filling up?

It comes to mind that one of these people “hunters” come across one of the other people I mentioned previously, let’s call them the “chilled” and then this narrative arises:

I’ll take the women's perspective here for a minute.

“Men only want sex, they don’t want to commit, they are all the same, looking for the same”

Isn’t it funny?

I would say to them: Well, yes, because the fact that they don’t want to be in a closed potentially unhappy long term relationship is a legitimate choice regardless of what society thinks of it.

And, one thing I tell you is that if more people owned the fact that they don’t really want that, that they don’t really want to get married and build a family…why does everybody have to want that??

Why are you the issue when you don’t want that?

The real issue is not wanting it and still doing it and here we have the statistics of failed marriages through the roof.

They are not failed marriages, they are failed choices because they were not made from awareness and self-knowledge.

It is very brave to own your truth and most people are way too scared of doing that.

Believe me when I tell you that it backfires big time.

I said I was taking the women’s perspective because we know that the majority of cases go this way but, hey, don’t be fooled, there are women out there who have started to wake up to the fact of NOT wanting the crap anymore and are also in the chilled ones.

They don’t want ties or commitments, don’t want to put up with anyone’s farts or snores next to you in bed… fuck that. Living alone is a blessing.

This is the new era approach to relationships and dating. Chilled.

To the hunters out there, I wish for discernment and a solid review of your own life just to figure out what you really want or need out of that need and or fear of ‘not being alone’.

You don’t really need to date or commit, there is another option, call it…falling in love with yourself. Why not give it a try?