Keeping up with...what?
Weekly Letter, December, 6, 2024
“Can’t we just enjoy time together without all of the other antics?”
That’s what his wife said to him a few years into their marriage.
She did not want sex anymore although the rest of the ‘package’ was kind of great:
“We had Instagram vacations, holiday parties, family gatherings, anniversary gifts and trips to the dog park.”
Don’t be a sucker like me
I am not the sucker by the way.
Alan calls himself a sucker because he put up with a non-desirable situation for years and he says he’d like to share his story so others can benefit from his experience.
This comes from a man in his 50s who finally got to take action and get to the engine of his train to drive his life in the right direction.
The direction his soul was meant to.
In other words and in his case: he’s finally divorced and he’s excited about his new beginnings.
I know it seems with my writings and videos that I am promoting divorce right, left and center.
I am not.
If anything, I am promoting not to get married in the first place 😆
But for many, that’s a tiny bit too late.
Alan’s message to other men is as follows:
“Don’t be like me. If you’ve put in the effort and faced indifference, don’t waste decades in a relationship marked by emotional distance. Time is precious and cannot be reclaimed.”
The sedate middle class dream life
I feel extremely inspired lately.
The other day I saw a post with the tittle: “Should I get married to my fiancée after…?”
You just click on something like that, right?
Pure clickbait but whatever!
It was a really interesting read.
This guy was basically saying that, at 38 and after nearly two years of relationship it was time to go ahead and start a family and blah, blah, blah… since he was getting “too old” for it.
What was the cliff-hanger referring to?
She (his fiancée) was in her mid-twenties 🙄 and was more interested in partying than in (his words) settling down (of-bloody-course?) and she had told him that she wasn’t sure about all the “let’s start a family” fairy-tale.
But they had already a wedding date 😖
Are you seeing what I am seeing here?
I call it “recipe for disaster”.
And the thing is…
Who’s put in our heads (well, not in mine lol) the idea of that “dream life” where you get married, have a great job, two kids, a dog and annual family holidays?
A sedate middle class dream life is a great definition for that.
I still see people getting married (less and less though) and, honestly, I kind of don’t get it.
They do it unconsciously surely because if you dedicate time and reflection to IT, you have to realise that…
There is no point.
Why?
Because if you are already together in love with somebody …you’re already “married”!
Do you really need to sign a contract? What for?
The Evolution of Marriage
Let’s picture marriage as the ultimate reality show.
It started centuries ago with “Keeping Up with the Kingdoms” where families swapped daughters like trading cards to secure peace and land.
Fast forward to the Renaissance and we enter the “Keeping Up with Romeo-Juliet story”. Love and romance enter in the mix and everyone suddenly wants a fairy tale ending with the knight in white armour.
And now, the XXI century, most people find themselves in “Keeping Up with the Joneses” where marriage is often about fitting into social (and family) expectations and navigating a minefield of responsibilities.
Isn’t it funny?
There is no need for alliances for “peace and land” and, as it turns out, romance has an expiration date.
So what’s left?
The Joneses game.
Keeping the appearances game.
In other words, doing what everyone else does for the sake of it.
Depressing, huh?
What’s the alternative?
You literally don’t need to marry.
Marriage is obsolete (unless you are still NOT thinking by yourself and attending some sort of religious institution but that’s topic for another day).
You just need LOVE and then thoughtful planning, legal agreements (if needed in terms of property ownership, etc), personal commitments that align with individual values and lifestyles, and, the most important one, common sense.
It is totally imperative that we enter relationships with LOVE and leave them with LOVE.
And the most common rise nowadays is entering with LOVE and leaving with HATE.
Romantic love is temporary.
Unconditional love is eternal.
Romantic love is not Unconditional
It cannot be.
Romantic love is an intense emotional connection, passion, and attraction.
Includes expectations and desires.
And it is influenced by external factors such as circumstances, compatibility, and individual growth.
The spark fades as the relationship evolve.
Unconditional love is acceptance, regardless of situations.
Think of parent-child love.
Unconditional love remains constant even in difficult times, making it more enduring.
Some people totally disagree with me here and will say that:
“marriage is also acceptance and that remains constant even in difficult times, making it more enduring”
But the truth is a very small percentage of people stay married forever now.
Are we maybe stepping into a new era?
(Rhetorical question, we totally are)
The “Keeping up with the Joneses” is on decline and we’re transitioning into another stage.
This new age is about individuality, innovation, and community.
So, welcome the “Keeping Up with Authenticity” era where people embrace their true selves and reject societal pressures, valuing genuine connections and individual expression over conformity.
All the women in my family were profoundly unhappy (so were the men really) why?
Because they did what everyone else did and did not question anything.
They followed the herd.
Those times are over - she says with tears rolling down her cheek…😢
Anyway, I kind of talk about this in this video in case you want a bit of ‘ear chewing’ with Spanish Accent.
Consider subscribing to the channel if you are ready for the new era and want to learn more about personal development.
Or you can choose not to and stay stuck in the Joneses lifestyle.
I’ll tell you a little secret…
In my world (a crazy one I have created) everything is possible and has its place.
Meaning by that, even spiciness is welcomed because we’re not here only to grow, follow our heart and feed our soul…we are also here to enjoy life.
That’s why we have a body (I know, mine is hotter than yours, sorry) and, if consciously done, you can pretty much do whatever you want.
Guilt and shame are also part of the “Keeping up with the Kingdoms” era…and it is time to get rid of them once and for all.
Much love,
Rose 🌹