To Boob or Not To Boob
that is the question
Listen and read along with me below
Today, as usual, I looked myself in the mirror while getting dressed. I like to do that and, since I listened to Louise Hay talking about the mirror work, I look myself in the eye and say: “I love you”. It is nice.
But, after doing that, I had a look at my 50 year old boobs.
I felt compassion, gratitude and relief.
The Compassion
Compassion because, man, they have gone through a hell of a journey and transformation. I still remember my first boyfriend looking at them as I was sitting on him (yes, in a sexual way) and his exact words: “Wow, they are absolutely perfect”.
I was 18…bloody of course they were!
They were not big and not small. Not too far apart, not too close. And, as you can imagine, quite firm.
Fast-forward to my early 30s when I became a mum and they grew up like mad! They doubled the size!
Also - and this is only experienced by women who breastfeed - they got hard as a rock when the milk was ready for the baby. Not exaggerating, harder than a bone! Incredible and very painful feeling!
I think it is the only lovely pain that exists :)
Then, when the baby started sucking…it came the “booby orgasm”…as it was being emptied the pain dissipated. That sensation mixed with the unconditional love felt for that baby…oh well, sorry dear men, but that’s truly unbelievable.
I went through that twice. Two babies. And my second (the boy) was a real sucker and was always hungry!
Add up my weight gain/loss oscillations through out my life and all the sexual activity with a few partners… you can only feel compassion and love for them.
The Gratitude
Gratitude because, at 50 and after all the above mentioned, they still look great!
Yes, a bit ‘empty’… that is the best way to put it, but still.
Gravity is a Law and laws operate inevitably and, also, the last couple of years, my body has experienced change. I got to the lowest weight I have ever been on by changing my diet and starting to lift weights.
While I felt better than ever in my skin, they suffered a little and, for a bit, looked like a popped balloon. I did not enjoy that view.
I have now recovered some of that “excessively lost” weight and I am in a more healthy-to-the-eye range so they look much better.
Still kind of ‘empty’ though…which brings me to the next feeling…
The Relief
Why relief?
Last year, after the new diet and training and my 47 kg of weight (lower than in my teenage years!) I was really unhappy with my no-boobs. I felt amazing but the mirror reflected something else. It was my mind, we know that… but still.
Anyhow…I had a light bulb 💡 moment and thought: “I need a boob job”.
I have never been friends with aesthetic surgery. Always thought it is superficial and we need to accept ourselves the way we are and blah, blah, blah…and there I was…now considering it.
In my naïve mind, I had the idea of this little incision under your armpit and a silicon ball being introduced through the hole so the no-boob was, literally, filled up. Job done.
I was wrong 🙄
I was determined and went for a couple of quotes. One of them was in my country that I was visiting during the summer. A known surgeon in a known clinic.
Off I went, got my top off, the man saw and touched my no-boobs and told me:
“Okay. Here’s what I’ll do” - showing me some pictures in his computer from other women - “I’ll take your nipple out, then you need a lift, then the prosthesis goes in and nipple is sewed back in place”.
I could not believe my eyes (sorry but some of those women’s results were not that good, you could clearly see the nips were not in their original place).
“No one cuts my nips out and glues them back in. Sorry.”
That was the end of it. I cancelled the second appointment in the UK straight away. I had another light bulb moment 💡: What the hell are you doing woman??
So I feel a big relief now looking at my boobs in the mirror because, gaining 4 kilograms (I am now 51 Kg), they are not no-boobs anymore.
They are just a 50 year old woman who’s had an amazing life and has breastfed two babies and struggled with self-image for a long-time.
And accepting this and surrendering to it brings a sense of freedom difficult to put in words.
About potential romantic partners…?
If only I was worried about that in the slightest! 🤭
Peace of mind, my friends.
Love,
R.