My "marriage" has been sexless for roughly 20 years. We've been in different rooms for nearly that long (she moved into the spare room). Before that, on our 13th anniversary I gave her a card saying I know things are difficult but I'm glad we're together. She said "I didn't get you anything because I didn't think there was anything to celebrate." In a few years, after my mother passed, I was diagnosed with depression. She built a wall and pushed me away, like I was a burden she didn't want to deal with. But before then, it was not only OK, but expected for me to see her through cancer, twice. When asked why she never, after years, asked me once how I was doing, did I need anything, did I feel OK, etc., she said "I don't know what to do with this and besides you have your doctors to talk to." Really? Wow. Until inconvenience do we part. We haven't really communicated in 15 or so years. We live separate lives in the same house.
So I am taking what is sort of a fourth option, which is living in the same house, living how I want, while getting myself mentally, emotionally and financially in order to get a divorce. For me, there will be no conversation. There's nothing there to discuss. Just who keeps what after the house gets sold.
I've e-mailed "Rose" about this in the past, so it may sound somewhat familiar. I really liked how someone I didn't know was interested in, listened to and understood my situation. So if you see Rose sometime, thank her for me.
As someone in a sexless marriage and yet to have the conversation this post resonated. It gave me much to think about.
Hi Peter, glad to hear it helps. I hope you got the e-book 😊
My "marriage" has been sexless for roughly 20 years. We've been in different rooms for nearly that long (she moved into the spare room). Before that, on our 13th anniversary I gave her a card saying I know things are difficult but I'm glad we're together. She said "I didn't get you anything because I didn't think there was anything to celebrate." In a few years, after my mother passed, I was diagnosed with depression. She built a wall and pushed me away, like I was a burden she didn't want to deal with. But before then, it was not only OK, but expected for me to see her through cancer, twice. When asked why she never, after years, asked me once how I was doing, did I need anything, did I feel OK, etc., she said "I don't know what to do with this and besides you have your doctors to talk to." Really? Wow. Until inconvenience do we part. We haven't really communicated in 15 or so years. We live separate lives in the same house.
So I am taking what is sort of a fourth option, which is living in the same house, living how I want, while getting myself mentally, emotionally and financially in order to get a divorce. For me, there will be no conversation. There's nothing there to discuss. Just who keeps what after the house gets sold.
I've e-mailed "Rose" about this in the past, so it may sound somewhat familiar. I really liked how someone I didn't know was interested in, listened to and understood my situation. So if you see Rose sometime, thank her for me.
Ok. “Rose” here. Thanks for being so open and sharing your story. I don't think it's a forth option, it's the third one, you're doing something.
Doing something is different for every one and their circumstances.