Every time I get frustrated with people who refuse to change, I tell myself:
“Stop it. Some people are beyond salvation. You can’t change anyone—only yourself, if you choose to.”
But I can’t help it.
I mentioned previously my 57 year old girlfriend who is - literally - trapped in a marriage and a life she dreads.
The more she tells me, the more I flip and also…see.
She’s choosing to live like that. It is a life of her own making.
Here’s how I see it and I’ll use a little analogy to explain.
I’m standing in front of a cage. A prison cell.
Inside is her. She looks miserable, crying, hopeless, completely lost.
I ask: “What’s wrong?”
And she says: “I’ve been stuck in here for years. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t even want to live. I feel like I’m disappearing.”
Now here’s where it gets interesting:
The door is open.
There’s no lock. Just a (symbolic) handle.
But this handle? It’s alive.
One day it burns like lava.
The next, it’s covered in razor-sharp spikes.
Sometimes it’s wet, slimy, and disgusting, repulsive in every possible way.
It’s a hell of a handle.
But still, it’s just a handle.
It can be turned. She could walk out at any time.
She just… doesn’t.
Because it’s not easy.
It takes courage. Imagination. Maybe even a little creativity.
I mean, what if you got naked and wrapped your clothes around the handle and grabbed it like that?
(Laughing here, because - let’s be honest - that’s kind of what I did 😅)
No, seriously though, do you see what I’m saying?
People stay stuck because they believe the cage is locked.
They’ve convinced themselves it’s hopeless.
But I can see the door. It’s not even closed properly.
They’re just afraid of discomfort.
So they stay.
And victimize themselves.
And live half-lives.
And it frustrates the hell out of me.
Because I can’t help but say:
“Hey! The door’s open! You don’t have to live like this!” 📢
But most people don’t want to hear it.
They hear the sound, but not the message.
They nod, but they’re not listening.
This happens to me in real life, and I see it all the time online.
This morning I read a post that lit the fire in me again:
“My partner (34M) and I (32F) used to have the most amazing sex life. But now it’s gone. I miss him, I miss intimacy. I’m the only one trying. I’ve started fantasizing about old lovers - at first I felt horrible, now I don’t fight it as hard. But I’d never cheat. Am I a terrible person?”
And I wanted to reach through the screen and say:
You’re not crazy. You’re not terrible. You’re just honest.
And more importantly, you’re aware.
That’s the first step out of the cage.
She’s not locked in. She knows something’s not right.
But guilt, shame, and cultural conditioning are dragging her back inside.
Because we’ve all been taught the same story:
Don’t want too much.
Don’t feel too deeply.
Don’t question the setup.
You did it all “right”, school, job, marriage, house.
Now shut up, have kids, and work until you drop.
And if the whole thing feels like a dead-end?
There’s always alcohol, shopping, food, porn, Netflix.
Pick your poison and keep playing the game.
Don’t challenge the system.
Don’t ask for more.
Don’t be inconvenient.
Be good. Be quiet. Stay in your cage.
Well… I’ve seen the game.
I’ve seen the door.
And I’ve walked out, naked, burnt, and a little bruised.
But free.
So now I ask you:
Do you see it?
Do you really want to live like this?
More importantly…
Do you want your kids and grandkids to live like this?
I don’t.
That’s why I write. That’s why I speak. That’s why I share.
Because someone has to say it:
The cage has no lock.
Have a revolutionary day 🖤
